Saturday, October 31


I feel like im dead on the inside, but for some reason my body keeps going, I havent had my promise ring on in weeks. Until i know for sure that we are going to last, i refuse to wear it. I never feel sexy to him anymore, it seems that there is always another famous chick that he jus always has to talk about. he says there sexy, and then that im sexy. meaning that i am not the sexiest in his eyes like i used to be. He used to never watch porn, he used to never talk about these girls. Its like, you cant put me on the same level as girls you dont fuckin no, those are fantasy girls, i should be higher up on the scale on them. but im not, truthfully idont even feel as high as them. its sad too, cause now i keep changing myself on the outside in hopes that one day ill walk in the room and hell look at me like he used to, like im the sexiest thing around. i want his jaw to drop like i used to make him do. i want him crazy over me like he used to be.

its so irratating too, cause i dont think ill ever get that back. which means ill never feel like im good enough for him. eventually, some guy is gonna make me feel like im the sexiest thing around, then im gonna start liking him, cause ill feel good enough for him. my man better change his ways, bad part is he wont change shit for me, not even shit that pisses me off, yet i change everything for him without him even asking.

ugh, relationships were the people act completely different and think completely different and were raised completely different are difficult.

the worst part? he doesnt even see anything wrong with our relaionship. as bad as our last fight was. makes me think that means i should just leave now. they keep getting worse and worse, and in the last fight he even asked why wont i just leave?

Fuck, i dont knowwhat to do.

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