Up Or Down?

August 2, 2009-Movin on Down.

Me and my boyfriend didn’t get in to our apartment until late last night. We were so tired from working all day, and we still had to unload the second load out of our car. We stayed up till 5 in the morning unpacking everything and getting everything situated. We finally got to sleep and woke up around 1:15 this afternoon. My boyfriend went to get my phone out of my car and came back with a ticket that was on my windshield, for $300. Apparently, the night before we had parked in a handicapped parking space, but we had no idea that we had. First off, there was no sign in front of the parking space. Second off, the blue lines were so faded that, at 2 in the morning you couldn’t see them if you tried. So how fucked up is that?

August 4, 2009-Movin Back Up.

These past few days really have been heaven. Our apartment looks amazing and is so cozy. We both have huge plans for it too, and we both work hard to make sure that everything stays clean and fresh smelling. My boyfriend put together the baby’s swing the other night and it is just precious! We have been doing not much in here but really cuddling, cooking, and watching movies. Last night I woke up about once every hour, either from a weird dream or because I had to pee really bad. But this morning I woke up to breakfast in bed. My boyfriend had cooked eggs and bacon, and made me a bowl or cereal to go with it. We sat there together and just ate in silence, it was so sweet. Then he took the dishes to the kitchen and came back and we cuddled and went back to sleep. We finally woke up again around 3. It is so nice to have our own place. My boyfriend loves to cook, and now he finally he has his own kitchen to cook when and whatever he feels like it. We had a bunch of change and went and cashed it and got 70$ for groceries. Yesterday evening I kind of had a breakdown in the car because we were sort of low on money and I told him I didn’t wanna live paycheck to paycheck and I’m so tired of worrying about money all the time. I even started crying, and he just calmed me down. He told me that he won’t let me and this baby go without, and that we will be fine, that he has a plan and why would he even get our own place if he didn’t? Then he explained what paychecks will go to what and etc. etc. etc. It made me feel so much better, and to say that we are living on a one income job that only makes 10$ an hour I’d like to say that we are very blessed. We will do it, I am convinced now. Of course I knew it before, but it feels nice to be reassured about it. Especially since, lets face it, we can’t really fail since we have a baby to provide for. But its just gonna be a little tight until he gets paid again. Lucky us, all of our bills are paid for august anyhow, so there really isn’t much to worry about. I just got nervous cause we both want him to take off a week but I didn’t know how that would affect the money for Septembers rent.

I have been thinking about life a lot. How so many times in my life I feel like I am watching it happen around me instead of feeling like I am actually in it. So many times I have sat there and had all this stress and drama and I really don’t know how I actually made it through, except that during those times I feel like I am watching a t.v. show instead of the fact that it is my life. I sat back one night and just thought about everything that I have been through, and how fast it all seemed to pass by, and how so many things that I stressed about were so unimportant. How 5 years ago I looked at the world, and how different I think of it now. I almost feel like a hypocrite since some of my opinions have changed, but I guess as we grow we change, and so do our views. Who are we to stick with an immature view of the world just because we are too stubborn to admit the fact that we were wrong and a different idea is right? I mean, we are human, it is in our nature to grow and change as we do.

I have also noticed how little changes that you look forward to actually really affect the people that you love more then you thought it would. For example, me moving out of the house has really changed my parents. Since I am the youngest and my brother is in Houston temporarily, there four bedroom house is just housing them two. They told me last night how lonely it is now that I am gone, and it really seemed to hurt them. Not really hurt them, just made them sad. I thought that moving in with my boyfriend would mean that I could just stay in my apartment while he is at work, but now I feel like I should go see them some nights. And I guess that in the end, I am not this parent-to-be to them, but just there 17 year old daughter that is growing up too fast for them.