Thursday, July 16


When you get pregnant, nothing is easy, not even from the beginning. The first choice i had to make was, am i going to have this baby, and if i did, would i keep it or give it up. I believe that every woman has the right to choose whether abortion is right for her. I believe that abortion is wrong for me, but if my life was threatened yeah i would have one. I believe that no matter if i think it is right or not, it is not my governments job to put limits on it, because its none of there problems to butt in on someones personal freedoms. Anyone who thinks different can kiss my ass. My boyfriend also believes abortion is wrong, but of course he is a man so it is harder for him to understand all the situations women get put in when it comes to being pregnant.

For example, i was once pregnant once before when i was really young, and it was with a boyfriend that hit me. I was 4 1/2 months when i told him i was leaving him and i was expecting child support, and then he beat me until i lost the baby. I knew that that baby felt something, and that was something in my life that i will never forget. I still flinch every time someone raises there hand real fast, even if it is to grab something. I will always be over protective of my children, even when it comes to my boyfriend holding him. Why? because of that experience. I should have known that this baby would not have grown up in an okay world even if i had had him, so i should have had an abortion. Especially since he wouldn't have felt it then, but i believe that when i did lose him he did feel it. Trust me, i am still traumatized thinking about it. So i can understand how abortion would be okay in some situations.

But with this pregnancy, it didn't fit me. My mom did bring it up to me when i first told her, but of course the next day after apologized and didn't understand how she could expect me to do it. My cousin wanted me to, but then again she still doesn't see me being a good parent. But, since my last pregnancy (no I'm not some hoe, but accidents happen. Especially when your in a destructive relationship, which is what my first pregnancy happened in) i have grown a lot. I have grown up emotionally and mentally, i have become a stronger and more confident person, i have set goals for myself and my life and have even adjusted them to this baby. I have a boyfriend who has goals that fit mine and who is strong enough to help me during my pregnancy and to help raise the baby. We love each other and really just fit each other so well, that we are going to make a really good home for this child to grow up in. This baby was made by two people who truly love each other, and we couldn't be happier to have him. Not only are our family's happy to meet him, but so are friends, people my parents work with, etc. Why would abortion fit this situation?

Then there was adoption, which was definitely never an option. The first time i felt my baby move, i felt like there was more to life then we can ever understand, and that you never truly know what love is until you have a child. Now, grant it, i wish that sometimes he would calm his little self down in there when i am trying to sleep, but i have never loved anything more then i have loved this baby. I have dreams about what my baby will look like and the first time i can hold him and comfort him when he cries, how could i ever be expected to give it up after i have held him in my tummy 9 months and giving birth to him and hearing my baby cry and seeing him? Now, grant it, if adoption is something you are doing or have done, i don't think there is anything wrong with this either. But i will admit, you are way stronger then i have ever been, because i am just not strong enough to handle that.

so in the end, since these choices are not for me, i have chosen the last choice of mommy-ism. Grant it, this one last a lifetime, and it doesn't ever get easy. But, i think its worth it, and although i understand why you wouldn't choose this choice, as much as i never though mommy-ism is right for me, i guess when it comes down to it, it is. And i couldn't be happier that it is (:

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