Thursday, July 2

Magical Support.

Today i went to Motherhood and bought a back/tummy support, and as soon as i put it on i swear i felt like i got 20 pounds lighter. This weekend, even though it is the fourth of july weekend, i plan on getting a lot together. I really need to get my website up, and i have plenty of people i am passing out Avon books/flyers/cards too. Thank god for my friends, who are finding people to tell about me selling Avon.

For the fourth of July, me boyfriend works 9-1. So imma just rest and get all dressed up until then. After he gets off, he will go home and shower, then we are going to my grandfathers for a BBQ. [my mom is actually going to my hometown of Boone, NC for the weekend. I was going to go, but the drive is too long for me to survive now. I do miss that town though. Even though we moved away when i was two, so really i just remember it from visits back up there.] Then we are going to my boyfriends moms for more BBQ. Then we are going to see transformers, and then lastly we are going downtown to the leevee to see the big fireworks show.

Last July 4th was very different. Me and my boyfriend[we've been dating since feb. 2008] and my friends [who were dating at the time] all went to the leevee to watch fireworks. Then we went to a hotel that me and my boyfriend rented and drank and played uno and just goofed off. then my two friends went to there hotel [right next to ours] and they spent the night together and so did we. Our hotel was nicer though, cause we had a mini fridge and a sofa with a pull out couch in ours. Then the next day my boyfriend worked, so me and my two other friends goofed off then that night we all four drank again and my friends spent the night on our pull out couch and it was just a lot of fun.

My boyfriends room mate kicked him out not too long after we started dating. Because of our age difference he didn't approve, and his girlfriend at the time was rude and wanted him out. Funny, no one thought we were gonna last when we started dating. But we did. We got very strong relationship built, very fast. I was his first white girl, but he definitely wasn't my first black guy. Anyways, since he was kicked out we hustled all the time just to get some extra money for hotels on the weekends. during the weeks, he would stay with a guy that we used to work with [i met him at my job, and actually at the time them two were still working together until they demoted my boyfriend--for no reason except racism--and so them two found a new job and quit the old one] but on the weekends we would rent hotels and it'd be just me and him. Fun times really. He'd get off of work, we'd go to the hotel, drink, party, play video games, etc. Sometimes if we couldn't find money we'd just stay with his friend and sleep on the floor in there extra bedroom. Eventually he permantely moved in with that friend and started paying half the bills. And there he is still, trying to save money so we can get on our own. Its funny to think about all we have been through, since that isn't even half of it. We are slowly getting better though, making a life together and growing up together, although he is really a lot more mature then me, so he has a lot to teach me. We can talk about anything. I tell him my problems that my friends are going through and he helps me understand everything a lot better, including the bigger picture. Of course, we did have a little drama about him lying to me about a month ago. It hurt a lot, since he was the one person in my life who i have always relyed on to NEVER lie to me, so it was also really hard to trust him again. In fact, i am slowly learning to trust him again. But in the end, i did understand why he did it. It wasn't a big lie, but again, that is a whole different story for another time. Now i am just focusing on the good. The happy. Which is way more then 1/2 of our relationship.

I think the reason we work so well is because we are friends more then anything. Like we talk about anything and everything, we goof off and talk shit to each other and tickle and wrestle around [not too much since ive been pregnant] and just have fun. But we also have that part of our relationship where we are lovers, romantic together and that cute little couple. ITs a good balance we have, and i wouldn't trade it for the world.

And i remember when i told him i was pregnant. It was the day after thanksgiving, and the night before we were actually smokin and drinkin a little at his mamas, and i remember all of a sudden [i was outside and standing] i got really hot and dizzy. I honestly thought i was going to through up. My period was late, so i took a pregnancy test at his house that night and the next morning i had work. But apparently he saw the test wrapper in the garbage can, cause before i left the next morning he asked me what the results were. I told him it was positive, and he smiled and said 'Really?' he was so happy he gave me a huge kiss and told me not to work to hard and be really careful and don't lift anything heavy or do any cleaning i usually do. [at that time i had a job were i worked days so i got extra bored and just cleaned the entire place from top to bottom. helped me get a raise too!] That night he held me in his arms and we thought of names and everything. he even already had made a list of things we'll need to get for him/her haha. We didn't even have a bed for him at that point, but he worked extra hours just to get a inflatable mattress so i wouldn't lose the baby and my back wouldn't hurt.

We really have come up from having nothing. But it is all worth it. Money doesn't mean a thing to me, but happiness on the other hand? That means the world to me. Just now we really need more money to get by, like everyone else in todays world.

I have just really started to thank god for my family and friends, and all there support to help out me and my boyfriend. I am not just a pregnant teenager in an interracial relationship, although when people look at me in public places that's all they see. I am a girl with people who would back me up through anything. I am a girl who can party with my friends one month and have a baby shower with them the next. I am a girl with a family who learns to accept the facts and makes the very best of things. I am a girl with a boyfriend who isn't leaving during the rough times, but instead making them just as fun as the easy times. I am a girl with ambitions out of my wa-zoo[hehe] and unlike most people will actually do them. I am a girl who has found methods of staying at home[so i can be with my baby 24/7] and still make good money. I am a girl who can make people laugh no matter who they are.

But mostly, I am a girl who has been through a lot, and isn't trying to do anything but move on and move up from it. I am a girl who is strong, and isn't ever going to get weak.

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