Friday, July 3

Punch Out

That is a game i want for my Wii. My brother came into town last night and he brought his Wii for me to have. But that isn't the only reason for my title. Last night i spent the night with my boyfriend, and today while he was bathing for work i heard his two roommates getting into it. She came home from work and I'm not sure on who went off on who, but he ending up storming out of the apartment and taking the car. Me and my boyfriend both agree that although it is amazing that they are trying to stay together for the two kids that they have, but also that she could do so much better without him. She loves him so much and she has such an addiction for him, but in the end he doesn't feel the same. I think he loves her in a 'that's my baby mama' way, but in the end he doesn't want to settle down and have a family. That is why he is still cheating on her, even though they have two kids together and have been together for over 2 years and she even stuck it out when he was in jail. I feel really bad for her, especially since every time they fight he wants to hit her, and he even tells her that. I know what it is like to think you love someone but they abuse you not only emotionally but also physically. And once they have worn you down mentally, they can do whatever they want, in the end you will still think you love them and think that everything is your fault. But, just like me, one day she will get tired of it all and one of them is going to really get hurt. I would hope that it would be sooner then later just to help both of them out, but i hope its not so soon that we are still staying there, cause that's not something that we need to witness. They brake up a lot, but next time it needs to be for good. I love them both to death, but in the end they want different things and neither of them will change what they want for the other one. Neither should they have too, they just need to accept it and move on.

The worse thing is what the kids go through. They sit there and fight right in front of them [the kids are almost three and about 8 months old] and then once the fight is over they talk shit about each other right in front of the kids. If they were really concerned about the kids and not themselves, then they would think better then to do that. I don't care how bad a fight gets, and i don't care how much you may hate them at that moment, in the end no kid deserves to hear that there mom or dad is an asshole, slut, fucking a bunch of women, etc. Every kid deserves to have a mom and dad that loves them, whether the mom and dad are together or apart.

But it makes me wonder, what is the best policy when it comes to a relationship like that? In mine, honesty is the best policy. Cause if either me or my boyfriend tell a lie[whether it is a white lie or worse] the other one can tell, and in the end that makes things then times worse between us. I should know, a white lie really hurt me, and i know him so well i could tell he was hiding something. But maybe, just maybe, when it comes to a relationship where the two people hurt each other over and over, is honesty the best policy? Maybe some small things should just stay hidden, to avoid another fight, to avoid more pain on the inside, to have just one more night of peace. But even in these relationships, the other one must know that that person is hiding something, so when it comes down to it, do you think they would be willing to just let it slide? To pretend that nothing is going on because you care for that person so much, that you don't want to hurt anymore for them. You don't wanna fight with them, you just want that night of peace. And if you both do this, where is the lie between a white lie and a just plain old lie? Would the person who is hiding things learn the difference? Or because they are getting away with white lies do you think they could get away with plain old lies. Or, in a relationship were this occurs, should the two people even be together?

I don't believe in fate. I believe that maybe sometimes things happen for a reason, but not always. I believe that two people are not meant to be by something greater then us, but that we choose whether or not we want to be together. We choose whether we want to be loyal to this person, whether we want to last forever. If you fuck up a relationship, it is your fault, you did it knowingly, and it shouldn't be forgiven. In the end though, we love each other so much that we learn to take the hurt, lock it up, and forgive that person. I believe in miracles but not curses. I don't believe that God made for all this hurt to be in our world, but that we made this hurt ourselves. Lastly, i believe that God looks down on us and frowns because of what we have become. I have to admit, i think i would too.

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